Apparently, today is valentine’s day. I’d like to take this chance to paint some blues, for stories came and went, for fragments to be heard.
Jo was stuck in my head for days, in a tiny fraction of time, I thought we were the same. There must be a great deal of love-related stuff passing by my ordinary days, but Little Women footage remained incomprehensibly heartened in me. Jo was me, somewhere in my emotion journeys back then.
“I wish I had no heart, it aches so…”
I was involving myself in one-sided love for a long time. When it came to the question: “Why do you choose to survive in such a painful life?”, I could hardly answer. Perhaps I enjoyed it, or I was not brave enough to step out of it, or it was not even ‘painful’ as social notions. A pill of fool was falling into a glass full of wine, melting and turning poisoned. Amy she could be childish, stubborn, hot-tempered but she reminded me of how we enjoyed that liquid sip by sip.
“I have nothing to give but my heart so full and these empty hands.”
Love itself has countless definitions. It was when Meg sobbed miserably right in front of her wretched husband, felt so apologetic for her lack of sympathy. It was the moment Marmee said to her soldier spouse in the Christmas reunion, “Thank God you’re home! Now I can be angry with you in person.” It was under the umbrella of summer rains, there was no way to see which drops were Jo’s tears.
“Love is a great beautifier”
Love grants us a dinner table to secretly hold hands, to delve into each other’s world and to garden those stunning flowers of impeccable springs. Love erases the unrealistic boundaries between flaws and perfections. Love builds its own ivy castle to cage the foolish, to cater all grown-ups’ sadness and sweetness, and to show a grand open window with a flock of unknown birds humming joyfully every morning.
I’m sitting quietly in where splendid spectrum of sunlight glosses my skin. A tragic piano tune I forgot to turn down, perhaps from Bett, depicted on my mind some nostalgic scenes. I take a look up the blue turquoise sky, wonder how clouds could wander the way they want. I smile and hug myself, as a day to come would heal.